if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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