I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize