Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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