But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
