I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
