yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
