Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
