Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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