I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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