hotel room ftw
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize