Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
