When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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