we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
