dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
