that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
