That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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