i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
