please come you make the beer taste better
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
