I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
nutella sex= disaster
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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