all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
