i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
