I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize