is your mom at the bar?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
