I wannas sexs uuuuu
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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