but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize