I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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