And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
