you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize