Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
