i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
