At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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