I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
