my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
