Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
