It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
