Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
