According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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