Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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