Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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