There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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