my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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