never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
