finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
The adults are the big ones right?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
