we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
it's like heaven, but drunker
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
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