So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
