So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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