Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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