Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
A bitchslap is in order.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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