Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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