I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
