i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
