Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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