Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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