wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
