I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i just made my gag reflex go away.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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