I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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