Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
