And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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