You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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