i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
