i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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