if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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