"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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