So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
It's Friday. Sex?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
