yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
