either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
