I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
