mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
